How do you deal when your kid is being disrespectful? Isn’t it really a tough situation? Something that you would need a solution to asap.
It is hard enough that your child behaves disrespectfully at home. But when your child decides to be disrespectful in front of others, it can be really challenging.
Your first instinct will be to smack them into obedience. But we all know that hitting or yelling at kids never yields any positive behavior. It will be a lose lose situation. You feel guilty and your child still will be disrespectful.
We all know that for positive parenting we have to be positive always. OK! At least most of the times. And that includes when your child decides to act out in front of others no matter how much you are fuming inside.
Imagine this scenario.
Something which has happened umpteen number of times with my kids. You dropped your kid for a play date with his friends. Now it is time for you to pick him up. Your kid starts to plead for “Just another five minutes, Mom.” The pleading gets intense and before you know it, your child throws a tantrum refusing to come along with you using the choicest of words.
Although you are filled with anger inside but you are too embarrassed in front of others. You cringe at your child’s behavior. All you can think of is ,”Why can’t my kid behave respectfully at least in front of others.”
Once you are alone with your kid inside the car you start yelling at him. Your child is in tears and you are filled with guilt. Sounds familiar? This has happened plenty of times with me until I decided to change it.
Imagine this scenario now.
You ask your kid to put her toys back in the basket. But your kid chooses to eye roll, complain or simply chooses to ignore your request. Do I have to tell you what would be your reaction? No prizes for guessing here.
So you feel helpless and powerless when your child decides to be disrespectful to you. Your confidence in your parenting is at an all time low. There will not be another worse time when you feel you have failed as a parent. That you cannot teach basic manner to your child.
If I am sounding that it is all doom, then I am sorry. Despair not. There is always a solution to every problem. No matter how big the problem looks, there is always a way out for everything.
The key is to hold on to your patience and keep at it till you succeed. When you parent positively most of the time, your kid will learn that from you and eventually they will start behaving respectfully.
If, as adults, we cannot be patient with them. Then how can we expect them to learn that from us. If we keep enforcing positive parenting, kids will pick it up eventually.
For more parenting posts from the blog, check the following
1. Be Patient
Yes, Yes, Yes!! I keep repeating this in almost all my post. But being patient is the most important aspect of positive parenting. It is not easy to be patient when you have thousands of things to do and your child decides to be disrespectful at that moment.
Your mind is filled with chores, work related things, your kids health, your kids school and it is extremely hard to stay sane all the time. I get it!! I am on the same boat too.
Please understand that all kids grow up and fly the nest. There will come a time when they will eventually leave the house and you will have no one to parent to.
The values, the morals, the habits, the attitude that you teach them will last a lifetime. It is only when they are still young and with you, that you can successfully mould them into responsible adults.
So whenever they are being disrespectful, please remember that this is your chance to correct them and mould them into responsible and right human being.
Do not make this into a personal power struggle but rather see the broader perspective and take this opportunity to guide them to the right path.
2. Check for their physical discomfort
Most of the time kids act up when they are hungry, tired or sleepy.
It could either be that they are feeling one of the above or all of it together. Younger the kids, higher the possibility that they are acting up due to hunger, tiredness or sleepiness.
Check if they are hungry and they would like to snack. But please!! Do not yell by saying, “I know you are acting up cos you are hungry. Grab a bite and leave me alone.”
You can offer them the snack in a non confrontational tone. You can tell them, “Mummy is hungry and wants to grab a snack, Would you like one too.”
“Mommy is sleepy and wants some rest. Would you like to get some nap while I rest.”
When your child is happy, well rested and not hungry, chances are back talking and the disrespectful behavior will be less.
3. talk in advance
This was the most effective tip that helped us with our kids’ play date. It is always a good idea to discuss with your kid the consequences of their behavior. What exactly you expect of them and anything else result in already agreed upon consequence.
You will have to remind them in a gentle and calm tone just before the situation. Don’t let this be a time to lecture and boss around. Just state it as a matter of fact in a calm tone.
Whenever I dropped the kids for their play dates, I would remind them gently that I would expect them to leave whenever I called them.
Fortunately I never had implement the consequences as they pretty much got the point. So they would immediately tag along whenever I called them. Once they were back in the car, I would praise them for their good behavior.
Then I would tell them that I so look forward to dropping them to their next play date. And I am glad for their perfect behavior.
If you can expect a particular issue before hand you can gently and politely discuss with your kid. You can state their expected behavior and the consequences for not doing.
4. set up consequences
There should be very clear rules for your house. Set up clear and defined consequences for all possible actions.
If your child wants to test and break the rules, stick to the consequence and don’t relent. I know, this is the hardest part for you. It is easy to threaten with consequences and actually extremely difficult to implement it. No matter how hard it is for you, stick to the predefined consequences.
Have consequences that are suitable and fair to your child’s age. Do not set up consequences that are too hard, harsh and extremely unfair to the child.
5. spend quality time
Spending quality time with your kids, regardless of their age, is extremely important in this digital age. All kids need our undivided attention.
If they do not get our attention, they will try to get it one way or the other. If that means that you only pay them attention because of the negative behavior, they will try to get it more and more.
But when you start to pay them attention for positive things, they will be eager to please you and show positive behavior. All human beings thrive on praise and your kids are no different. Appreciate them whenever necessary and express your love more often than you do.
6. Watch your own behavior.
Have you been of late bossing around your child or trying to control their behavior. Nobody likes to be controlled their entire day.
How to do, what to do, when to do, why to do!!!!!!! Can you imagine someone at our neck yelling these things. ALL. DAY. LONG.
If you have been trying to control their entire life of late, chances are high that your child is simply rebelling against the control.
Judge your behavior and try to make changes within yourself. When you give little bit of power to your child you will notice that there is a marked improvement in your child’s behavior.
There is always a fine line between parenting and bossing around. Between positive parenting and interfering too much.
So watch your actions.
These were few tips that you could try implementing if your child is being disrespectful. Let me know through comments if you have seen any improvement in your child’s behavior.
Until Next Time,