Don’t our kids know how to drive us to the walls. I tell you, if there was ever a remote by which I could turn off their selective hearing button, I would purchase it with all my wealth.
Getting kids to listen and obey us looks just like mission impossible. But if you are bit smart and tactful, you can make it into mission accomplished.
If you are a parent, I don’t even have to ask that all you want is just your kid to listen to you. Parenting without yelling is really very difficult. There will be moments when you totally lose it and would have a battle of power.
And I tell you, there will be days when you will be screaming only to later wonder what was it all about. Parenting isn’t easy. Being a parent is the toughest job on this planet. You do not get paid with money. But if you do it right, you will get your remuneration in the form of love, hugs and kisses. (I just got an idea for a future post. Keep watching.) And that would mean the world to us.
But with practice and patience you can do it. All you need is just hold your ground and at times, your nerves. Your child will need consistency from your side to make it work.
So here we go to learn how to get your kids to listen without yelling.
1. Set Ground Rules
Your child needs to know what is acceptable and what is not. If you whip up rules at the drop of a hat, your child would be confused. And let them know the consequences for not obeying.
If you expect your child to pick up after themselves, then let them know beforehand. Let them know that if the toys are still not in the designated area by a set time, they will be confiscated for a week or so. Be firm and follow through on your words. Initially your child will throw tantrums or whine. But do not give in to their tantrums.
Calmly tell them, it’s not gonna work and they were informed beforehand of the consequences. Do not get into a battle of words with their reasoning.
It is imperative that you have ground rules in your home and implement it most of the time.
2. Know your triggers
The best way to control your scream fest is by knowing your triggers. Check when you tend to yell more. Are there certain times, certain things, certain places that trigger you. Do you yell when you have a deadline to finish at work? Or the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink knock you out?
It could be emotional, physical, financial. Work on minimizing those stress factors to be a better parent.
For me, personally, having a dirty house gets on my nerves. I notice that I am much more prone to yelling when there are dirty dishes, dirty laundry and messy house.
I like to keep a tab on them so that I could be a better parent to my kids. You can check out my practical schedule for keeping the house in order for my own sanity. I am much calmer when I am done with the chores.
3. Count till 15
Yes, this really works!!! I absolutely love this idea. I know it is hard to count till 15 when you are really mad. It is always a good idea to practice counting when you are still in control.
So you say, “Pick up your toys and put them in the basket NOW” in a matter of fact voice.
Count till 15.
Repeat it again, “Will you be picking up your toys NOW”.
Count till 15.
Do it till your kid actually does it.
I did the same with my daughter just as I was typing this post.
First time, in a calm voice, “Make your bed now.” Counted till 15.
Second time, “Zee, Make your bed now.” “Yes, yes, give me a sec” pats come the reply. Counted till 15.
Third time, again in a calm and matter of fact way, “Zee, will you be making your bed right now.”
This went on till about 7 times. She went to make her bed after reminding seven times. It is still a battle won for me. As typically otherwise, I would have yelled at her after couple of times.
As a side note I would like to add, that Zee is a teenager and was on the phone when this incident happened. She generally makes her bed without me having to remind her but then kids will be kids. And getting them to do it while she was engrossed in the phone truly felt like an achievement.
If you want to take one thing from this post, I would suggest that you take this tip!! It works EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Once you get used to it, it will become second nature to you to get your kids to listen without you having to yell.
Necessity is the mother of all inventions. That is so true when it comes to parenting. You will be challenged beyond your imagination. No book will prepare you ever for what is about to come. Don’t get me wrong.
Books and other resources of parenting are great. I love reading and following them. They give a great insight and tips handling our kids in a better way. But at times, you will be caught totally off guard, and nothing seems to work.
Sit and think what is going wrong. Is it just a simple growing up rebellion or you need help from a professional. Can you make it better by trying something different.
Only you know about your kid like no one else. Try to do something different that will make them listen without you having to yell at them.
I have recently recorded my own voice to instruct my kids. (Don’t I sound like a totally crazy mom!!!)
There is a recording for each of my three kids. They were recorded when the incident actually happened. I knew I was headed for a scream fest when my son was troubling his younger sister repeatedly while I was sweating it out in the kitchen.
So I just took out my phone, and recorded my voice saying, “Do not irritate your sister, you will land in trouble if you continue doing so. Go to your room”
I was playing it repeatedly till he yielded and went to his room.
Now there are about 10 recordings on my phone for different types of scenarios.
Whenever there is tension in the air, I play them repeatedly. Immediately, the atmosphere changes and my kids start laughing and say, “Mom, ENOUGH, I will do it.”
This was really a good spur of the moment ideas for me. And it has been working great for me right at the moment. I do not know how long it is going to work before it wears out on them.
I’ll have to think about something else when it does. Get creative, get funny without yelling.
5. They are still kids
I have been repeating this in almost all my posts I guess. That they are still kids. They will learn only through experience and you will have to guide them till they grow up. They will make mistakes and they will get on our nerves.
But don’t we just love our kids for who they are. Life would have been so meaningless without them. We will have to guide them through their fragile years with love and care.
Remember when we were kids how rebellious we were. The emotions that we faced towards our parents varied greatly. Our kids are undergoing that now. We, being adults, need to stay our ground and maintain our calm to set a good example.
Hope you all have a great parenthood.
Let me know if you have any awesome tips for maintaining your calm through comments.
Until Next Time,