High pressure parents!! Can we call ourselves that way? Or guilt parenting is a more apt description.
I am confused and saddened by the plight of our current generation of parents. The intense pressure of parenting has reached an all time high.
Can we blame the social media for it? The age of internet? The societal pressure? Our own expectation? Honestly, I have no answer for that.
The craze for the kids to succeed is so high that parents almost forget the limitations of their kids.
All of us want “Super Kids” instead of normal fun loving child. Don’t get me wrong I am party to your crime too. I was a member of the club “High Pressure Parents” too.
There was a time that nothing I did as a parent for good enough for me. I was always guilty and always under pressure.
The pressure of expecting the best from kids is truly immense. And if their schedule is not packed with after school activities, we are doomed.
With the era of everything at fingertips, we want to groom our kids for perfection. If we set so heavy burden on the young individuals who are still in the stage of developing maturity, we are pushing them towards angst, depression and other mental health problems.
We, as parents, need to understand that our kids cannot live the life that we wanted for ourselves. They will find their own path, their own destiny. Instead we can help them grow into beautiful and responsible human beings with our love and guidance.
It’s time to get out of the High Pressure Parents mode and set ourselves free. It is not necessary that to be a perfect parent, we have to wake our kids at dawn to do their Maths assignment. Or pack them off straight to the soccer practice from school. We need to become Happy Parents rather than the High Pressure Parents.
Following are some of the signs if you belong to the High Pressure Parents category and tips to come out of it.
1.Feeling Physical Pressure?
Do you feel anxious, upset, sad, depressed, angry when your child fails to meet your expectations. If the answer is yes, then you are definitely one of the High Pressure Parents.
Does your body react if you have to deal with your kids in extreme ways. The tiniest of incidences would lead to a big meltdown for you.
Solution: Instead of focusing all the energy on your child, it is better that you develop a hobby. Channelize your energy to somewhere other than your child’s achievements. When you see your child’s achievement as “his own” and not as yours, you will be able to better help your child.
It is important to remember that eventually kids will fly their nest to find what they want from life. You are only responsible to “teach” them how to succeed in life. And you are not responsible for their actual success or failure.
2. Feeling Societal Pressure?
Do you feel the pressure of the society. Of being judged? Of being afraid what others might think if your child gets a “C” (shudder!!)? Your answer should be a strict no!!
Solution: You are the best parent to your child. That’s the reason God has gifted you with the child and not anyone else. Follow your parental instincts rather than the judgement of the society. It is so easy to be absorbed into the pressures of the what others think.
Remember it is your child, and you, as a parent, know the best for them. People will always judge no matter what you do. Does it really matter what others think about us? It doesn’t.
3. Feeling Negative?
Do you always feel negative about your child’s achievements? Ask yourself this question and reflect on the number of times you have been critical of your child for small things.
Solution: Appreciate your child more. Give them positive feedback. If they have been feeling angry or anxious over something, you can help them by controlling their behavior in positive way. Give them hugs and kisses. See your child just as he or she is and not through his grades or behavior.
4. Always Comparing?
Do you always compare your child’s achievement with someone else? For that matter, do you always compare your parenting style to others? Are you always dissatisfied with the way you parent? Is there an overwhelming feeling that you never do anything that is adequate as a parent.
Solution: Let me tell you straight. Cut yourself some slack. We are all human beings and not robots. There will be days when we will be low and will not work to our full capacity. There will be days when life gets the better of you. This life is a journey of ups and downs.
If we stay calm, composed and know that this life is not a journey of grades, soccer practice rather a journey to experience, we will be less stressful about how others fare in life.
Keeping a yardstick of how others are performing at school to measure our child’s worth is totally not justified.
5. High Expectations?
Do you want to realize your childhood dreams through your child? You want your child to become what you wished you had? Is anything less than an “A” on the report card disappointing?
Solution: Though we would all love to see all A’s on our child’s report all the time. But, in reality, that is highly unlikely to happen every single time. Do not pass on your high expectations on to your child. You will not only be pressurizing the child, but also pressurizing yourself when the child doesn’t live up to your expectations.
It is a disaster for your relationship with your child. Though, I am not saying, just stop caring for your child. You will have to know when you are overstepping the line. When your child comes home with a C, instead of letting loose a barrage of insults, screams. It would be better, if you could console your child and work together to improve.
You can tell your child that it is alright to get low grades one time. That you will help him or her more with the school work. It is not the grades that matter, but the efforts that he or she puts into that matters. Ultimately, his or her success if not defined by grades rather it is defined by how much effort we put into it and the experience we gain out of it that matters.
So these were my few tips for High Pressure Parents to deal with their stress. How do you deal being a high pressure parents? Let me know through comments below. I would love to hear from you.
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Until Next Time,