Are you wondering why your kid has been keeping aloof for past few days. Your once chirpy child who used to talk nonstop has suddenly stopped communicating with you.
Watching videos on YouTube mindlessly seems more interesting to them than talking to us. Are you all in the same boat?
Most kids in preschool talk non-stop. As they start growing up, they do withhold themselves. But if you are prepared for it, you will make them accustomed to sharing everything with you right from start.
The earlier you start, the better for you. In time, it will become natural for them to open up their feelings to you.
But if you are at a stage where you feel that your kid have gone into a shell. Look at the reasons behind them.
Sometimes, there could be small triggers that has made your kid the way he or she is. It may be just that they need some individual attention to them, that’s all.
So below are some of the reasons your kid is not talking to you anymore.
You lecture instead of listening
Haven’t I been repeating this so much in almost all my posts. That don’t lecture and just listen to your kids. As parents, most of us are guilty of it, myself included.
We turn every session into a lecture session. Instead of giving them a ear, we simply start lecturing on what to and what not to do.
Solution: Give them a patient hearing. Maybe sometimes, all they need is just attention and comfort. That mommy is there for you, no matter what happens. That mommy loves you unconditionally. Once you start listening to them without lecturing, they will start talking to you more and more.
You are too judgmental
The minute they talk about a problem, you jump your guns. You are too judgmental about whatever they say.
If you are the kind of person who would assume things and start jumping in with advises and solutions before they ask for it. Then that’s it.
Most of the times, kids stop talking when they feel that their parents would always be negative about it. They feel no matter what happens, parents don’t understand them. They do not see the point of sharing and getting the backlash.
Solution: Stay calm, Be neutral and first listen to their entire story. You can ask them to write a note to you if they have difficulty to express. You can write back the answer when you are in a calm mood.
Sometimes taking the indirect approach helps much better than pointing your finger directly at them. Instead of telling, “Oh, Come on, you are going to be just fine with that homework”. Just suggest, “Would you want mommy to help you with the homework, and once you are done with it, we can play together”.
You are not available
Maybe your kid does want to talk to you. But you are not available most of the time. You are either distracted by your work, TV, chores or your smartphone. This is a big no no. You pretend you are listening to your child, but only that you are simply nodding your head. When your child asks, “Is it ok to hit that boy when he snatches my pencil?”. You are simply nodding your head without even listening to what he is saying.
Solution: When you are listening, please LISTEN. Keep whatever you are doing aside and focus on what your child is conveying to you. Have at least one eye to eye contact conversation with your kid per day. This is really a very, very important thing to do.
When you have eye contact session with your child, you will realize how much impact it has on your bonding. Your work, chores, messages can wait, but your child won’t.
You want them to talk
Yes, this post is about why kids don’t talk and you want them to talk. I know, I have put that heading intentionally. There is a difference between your child wanting to talk to you and you wanting your child to talk. We sometimes, pressurize our kids to talk and open up.
Please remember that more you put pressure on him, more he will drift away from you. The more you want him to talk, more he will shut down.
Solution: Stop putting pressure on them. Give them space and time. But don’t just ignore their aloofness thinking that it is never a good idea to pressure on them. I don’t mean that. Identify when it is better to stay silent. Comfort them by saying, “Mommy is around when you feel like talking.” Don’t say, “Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?”
Maybe your kid is growing up
Perhaps your toddler who used to talk non stop to you, has grown up. It is natural for kids to grow up and share things more with their friends than with their parents. Don’t you all remember your growing up stage when friends mattered more than the family.
Maybe that is the case with your child as well. Maybe she just wants to be and loves being part of her peer group.
Solution: Just accept the fact your child is growing and needs her space. Her friends are her world right now. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t mean anything to her. Everyone needs guidance and she will fall back on you if you trust her to grow up.
So these were some of the Reasons Your Kid Is Not Talking To You.
Having said that I would like to add that maybe all of the above is not applicable to you or your child. There could be many other reasons why your child has suddenly become aloof. Watch out for the signs and get help as soon as possible.
Your child could be bullied at school or outside.
He or She maybe undergoing mental/ physical/ emotional abuse at someone’s hands.
Your child may have found wrong company and doing substance abuse. This is more common among the teens.
Your child might be suicidal. If your child is always depressed and have secluded himself from the world. Seek help immediately.
It is always best to have a very healthy relationship with your child right from a young age.
- Keep telling them that you love them no matter what.
- Remind them you are always there for them regardless of the circumstances.
- Validate their positive or negative feelings. Appreciate them for their positive behavior. If they are mad at something, tell them, “I know how much it hurts you. I can understand.”
- Always make time for your child and be available when your child needs you.
- Treat them with respect and don’t brush them off.
- Never insult your child in front of anyone no matter what their age is.
- Don’t threaten them with nasty things.
I hope you enjoy your kid’s childhood to the fullest without any of the major challenges of parenting. Though life is not a bed of roses, I sincerely wish for every child and parent to have a healthy relationship as that is the foundation of our existence.
Let me know through comments how your child communicates with you.
Until Next Time,